You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
