My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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