they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They have beer where we have blood.
i now understand why vodka
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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