Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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