Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
