before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
