Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
