I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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