I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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