I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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