i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
