Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
His nipple licking is glorious
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