nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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