Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
