A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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