I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
