All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
