The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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