Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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