we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
