the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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