The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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