Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
