I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
