There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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