Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
