Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
