Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
