No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
