nut hugger
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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