You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
