There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
