Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
did i walk over a car last night?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
