we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
