Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
