So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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