There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
