the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
