i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
