i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I died a long time ago.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
