That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
