Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Its about making memories worth repressing
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
