Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
