Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
