The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
