Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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