And the cops told us we were all naked.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
