Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
