pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
