Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
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