I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
