Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
