Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
