yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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