Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
