I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
How's work?
Spinning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
