theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
