you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
