my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
