we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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