whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
