I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
