you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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