then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
