i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
