Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
